Silent
by Draconian Elflord
Summary: A poem in the POV of Soujiro, the boy who always smiles. Written when he leaves Shishio and becomes a Rurouni. Major spoilers if you haven't seen near that. Portrays Soujiro's and Shishio's relationship as master and student. Very angst. RR, but don't be


Elflord: Yo, people. I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, so don't even try suing me. It just isn't worth it. Don't try it; it won't work. I'll just laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and . . . Soujiro: Do you really think that's necessary? Elford: What do you mean? Soujiro: You keep repeating yourself over and over again. Elflord: Um . . . I guess so. Soujiro: So stop. Elflord: Oh . . . *-_-* okay.  
  
A/N: Just so you know, I don't take plot to be orthodox. I use most parts of the plot as it supports the fic, but I don't feel restrained about revising other parts of the plot according to my own interpretation to better support the fic. Please do not flame for plot reasons.  
  
Silent  
  
You found me dying;  
  
Like a kitten in the rain,  
  
You found me a broken soul,  
  
A beaten dog.  
  
I didn't know I'd been wronged my whole life.  
  
I didn't know why they beat me,  
  
Why they hated me,  
  
Why I was less than them.  
  
I didn't understand why I was sickening to them.  
  
You found me a dam ready to break  
  
And, like true justice, guaranteed me death;  
  
An escape from my existence of pain.  
  
You saw how I welcomed it  
  
Saw my smile in the reflection of the blade . . .  
  
Could you see my insanity?  
  
You spared me . . .  
  
Why?  
  
Perhaps even you do not know  
  
Night after night, you sat with me  
  
Listened to my pathetic stories of midnight woe  
  
Told me of great men and terrible things they did.  
  
You were my sensei, my teacher  
  
My guide when no one cared if I lived or died  
  
Not even me.  
  
Your philosophy was simple  
  
Even a boy could understand it  
  
"If you're strong, you live.  
  
If you're weak, you die."  
  
By that standard, I would die,  
  
But I didn't care.  
  
I doubt I even knew what death meant.  
  
Day after day went by,  
  
A slave, a beaten dog by day  
  
Hanging on your every word by night.  
  
In my hands you placed a sword;  
  
The choice to die or live  
  
To be caged or free  
  
To be weak or strong.  
  
It was not long until my choice was made.  
  
Death, destruction stared me in the face . . .  
  
I chose life . . . I killed them  
  
And in that instant  
  
Perhaps I really believed  
  
That sanity was not a possibility  
  
That the whole world was insane  
  
That to destroy is what men do;  
  
Morality was a weakness  
  
And apathy was strength.  
  
You asked me if I was crying  
  
And I was silent . . . and smiling.  
  
You took me under your wings  
  
Where the harsh winds couldn't blow  
  
And the cold rain wouldn't sting.  
  
I clung to you and your simple ideals  
  
They protected me from empathy  
  
They kept me from my guilt.  
  
Under your watchful eye  
  
I studied your art;  
  
The geometries of the sword,  
  
The languages of murder,  
  
The histories of tyranny,  
  
The science of the psychopath.  
  
You pushed me past my limits,  
  
Killed me over and over inside  
  
Day in and day out  
  
Threw me down and forced me to get up again.  
  
I looked to you for support  
  
And you turned away  
  
Your cold stony heart unable to embrace me.  
  
I never expected that  
  
Never wanted that from you.  
  
From you, I died  
  
Reborn everyday from the death I'd endured.  
  
Systematically, slowly you brainwashed  
  
The words so tempting, so awesome, so silver on my tongue  
  
"If you're strong, you live.  
  
If you're weak, you die."  
  
Like a parrot, I repeated  
  
Over and over, like a mantra  
  
Religiously, zealously I studied it  
  
In a thousand different dreamed of dimensions  
  
From every angle imaginable  
  
Worshipped it like a God  
  
Practiced it like the words of the Amida.  
  
Slowly surely, I became it  
  
Every part of me that was human  
  
Began to wither, fade away,  
  
Every part of my heart that could feel  
  
Began to freeze, withdraw into itself.  
  
You wanted me to be like you.  
  
I listened and was silent . . . and smiling.  
  
And finally, the time you had waited for . . .  
  
A time in which the Joupongatana,  
  
That sacred bond between men  
  
Would finally take power once again.  
  
At last, I was old enough,  
  
Skilled enough, strong enough . . .  
  
A time when I at last could shine above the rest.  
  
Like a little boy, I ran, laughing and playing  
  
Like it was all one big game.  
  
Indeed, I can understand it.  
  
Such exciting times, and I so near the pinnacle. . .  
  
One of the best times in my life.  
  
I didn't even mind it when I lost the first time.  
  
You told me he was weak and I believed you  
  
As I had learned to do so readily.  
  
You said I would beat him the next time,  
  
And I agreed completely.  
  
There was nothing to fear of a man who could not kill.  
  
Why, if you cannot kill, how can you win?  
  
I went into battle confidently  
  
Prepared to finish him off myself  
  
Finish him off . . . that almost sounds funny now  
  
How wrong . . . how could I be so wrong?  
  
For he knew, he knew what and who I was inside  
  
He, too, had suffered  
  
He, too, knew what it was like to be empty  
  
To be an animal . . .  
  
To be a murderer.  
  
He knew what it was like to be used.  
  
He opened the doors you shut  
  
Back to that moment  
  
The moment on the edge, on the line . . .  
  
I lost.  
  
You called me the weak and thought me worthless  
  
But I was not silent . . . and I did not smile.  
  
I leave you, sensei  
  
And I only hope that you survive  
  
That perhaps he can save you too  
  
That perhaps, all along, you were wrong.  
  
Somewhere, somehow, perhaps the weak CAN live  
  
And even the strong can die.  
  
I turn upon a new road today  
  
A road that is empty  
  
Free for me to find my own ways  
  
My own beliefs, my own thoughts,  
  
My own way to live without anyone's influence.  
  
Rurouni . . . it is my name, too  
  
A wanderer, a vagabond abroad  
  
My last chance to save myself . . .  
  
And if you'll let them  
  
You might have a chance too.  
  
And this time  
  
I am not silent . . . and I will not smile.  
  
THE END 


End file.
